Diary
by The Fragile Capricorn
Summary: A series of diary entries written by Alfred Ashford, regarding his thoughts as a young boy, a year before Alexia's decision of sending herself to 'sleep'. I don't own Resident Evil. Beware of long time lapses between entries.
1. Entry One

**Diary**

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Alfred Ashford's secret diary, containing his thoughts, his emotions, at a tender age.

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Entry One:  
April 12, 1982  
7:13 PM

I have never been so confused before. There are a whole lot of things that annoy me, that frustrate me.

Everyone is so impressed of Alexia, because of her beauty, her intelligence, everything. It pains me to say this, though I admire my sister so much and think of her with utmost respect, but I am extremely... _jealous_ of her. All the attention she gets, all the praise... But then, who wouldn't? She is incredibly kind and smart, not to mention gorgeous, a combination so deadly and captivating that it easily eliminate's one's proper thinking just by looking at her eyes.

Still, I can't help but feel that I am in the shadow of my sister. I am in no way mad at her, for it isn't my fault that she has all the qualities any female would vie for and any male would like in a woman. And to think that my sister isn't even a teenager! What more if she's in her twenties?

What impresses me most about my twin sister is how she manages to spend quality time with me, balancing me out, especially at my worst, when I'm prone to incredible temper. Despite her celebrity status amongst the higher officials of Umbrella, she still helps me out, especially on our home studies when a college tutor occasionally comes along and teaches us for a few days either to refresh our memories or help us understand things that we need understanding. Not that Alexia _needs _that, but it seems that she's taking advantage of the situation and maybe just being polite at the tutor, who arrives by a four-hour plane just to teach us.

Alexia calms me down, knowing my weaknesses and what makes me feel better. It's as if she knows me better than I do. I don't know what I can do without her. I don't know if I can manage to straighten up and be focused on my interests if she's not there to help me out.

That's it for the day. Harman will call us for dinner soon.

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_**A/N:** My first attempt on writing a sort of "diary". So this is just the first of a few entries Alfred's fictional diary contains. I'll update once I get my head cleared up and things sorted out, which will be soon. And really, my head's just swimming with ideas, so updating won't be a problem. Read and review, please?_


	2. Entry Two

**Diary**

**

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**Alfred Ashford's secret diary, containing his thoughts, his emotions at a tender age.

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Entry Two:  
April 20, 1982  
8:10 PM

I think Harman is on to us. Yesterday, he asked me about what really happened to father, how he died. I told him the reason Alexia and I have cooked up - father had an accident in the Antarctic Transport Terminal. We tried to make the story authentic, Alexia even hiring a man to create a life-sized, exact replica of our father's body and even had everyone to arrive to a small funeral, including Harman. I think he, however, noticed something different that no one noticed before: the pierce.

Hours ago, he asked about our father's pierce, a questiont that caught me off-guard. I haven't thought of plans and plots to answer that simple question, and both of us knew that the pierce was so special that father won't let it out of his sight. We both knew that he hid it in a desk drawer. I was incredibly confused as to what I would say, but fortunately, Alexia just arrived from her private lab and found us deep in silent "conversation". She told Harman that it's the least of our worries, and that she was sure it was somewhere else, because father's actions aren't always consistent. Satisfied but suspicious, Harman left us.

That should be all. I should remember to select my words carefully around Harman, or I might let something slip.

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_**A/N: **Well, that's Alfred's second entry. I kind of got lost a few times and had to edit it for consistency. I know I should write stuff about Alfred and Alexia, but I think Harman deserves a bit of the spotlight, don't you think? Next entry will be an Alfred/Alexia one, for sure. _


	3. Entry Three

**Diary

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**

Alfred Ashford's secret diary, containing his thoughts, his emotions, at a tender age.

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Entry Three:  
May 2, 1982  
4:25 AM

Since the last entry about Harman, I decided to leave this notebook hidden very well, just in case he sees it. This diary contains very important information about what really happened to father, and I cannot risk having him or anyone seeing the schemes and plans we have made in this document.

Recently, I have been feeling very strange. The doctors I have sent for from the military complex tell me that I have some sort of fever, and I think I have to believe them, though I do feel stranger. But maybe it's just me? I think I just have to shrug it off and see for myself what it is, exactly.

Alexia has been a good nurse to me, taking care of me and giving me everything that I need. I do adore my sister, and I think of her as my inspiration to do everything properly. I feel ashamed and embarassed when I commit mistakes when she is around, but she ignores it. I don't want to be extremely dependent to her, and though being sick has its advantages, I'd rather have Harman and a few others take care of me instead of troubling Alexia. I insist that she take care of herself, that I can handle it, but she doesn't believe me. She sleeps in my room, sitting on one of the chairs, to keep an eye on me, even though her own room is just next door connected by a secret passage.

I have much to thank my sister. Ever since she became part of Umbrella, she gathered enough knowledge about chemicals and illnesses and everything. She claims that she has found an instant cure for fever, and is supposed to be making it right now somewhere in the house. Her effort is impressive, admirable. I don't even know how she can find time for me amidst all her projects and frequent demands from Umbrella. I think those at Umbrella, while geniuses, can be jerks, save for my sister. They try to overwork her, and sometimes, she sleeps all day.

It's almost four thirty-five AM. I woke up early. My sister isn't here - called again by her 'work', if you could call it work. She's somewhere in the house at these hours, either studying or sleeping. I stole the chance to write an entry at this time, so she couldn't see it and pester me to let her read it. Even though I hate keeping secrets to Alexia, this is important and private. Very private that I'll only show it to her at the right time.

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_**A/N: **So third entry. Quite fast, right? Two chapters in a day, and I could write another. Well, I just had to pen this immediately, just in case that I don't get a chance to write it later. _


	4. Entry Four

**Diary

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**

Alfred Ashford's secret diary, containing his thoughts, his emotions at a tender age.

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Entry Four:  
May 4, 1982  
4:27 PM

I've been feeling better since yesterday, maybe because Alexia slipped in a flavorless chemical to instantly cure fever. Though if she did, why was she taking care of me vigorously? Is there some reason? Should I trouble myself thinking about this?

Alexia left for some business in the Antarctic Transport Terminal. She has told me that the people there need her to investigate various chemical products that Umbrella has recently mixed, and that she might find something useful. In addition, she told me that she will check on our failure of a father, if he is well and not causing any trouble to anyone. The caller from ATT told her that workers often heard mysterious moans and angered shouts, as if from a monster. I could only laugh and imagine their scared faces without realizing that it was actually their... _boss. _

Without proper company, I went to Harman a while ago to try and strike a conversation. However, all he does is nod and say "yes", which doesn't exactly qualify for good conversation.

It is starting to get boring here, and Alexia won't be around for a while. I'm starting to miss her already, and it's only been a few hours. Maybe she misses me too? Surely she does, for I am her brother and she values me as much as I value her! I just hope something terrible will not befall Alexia. What will I do if she's the one ill, and of a disease unheard of?

That should be all. I should stretch my legs and walk around the gardens for a while. And maybe do some thinking...

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_**A/N: **So that's the update for today! I'm trying to inject some of the game's story right here, so basically, this diary's supposed to be written around the time Alexia experiments with herself. So... reviews? Comments?_


	5. Entry Five

**Diary

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**

Alfred Ashford's secret diary, containing his thoughts, his emotions at a tender age.

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Entry Five:  
May 5, 1982  
2:10 PM

I have been strolling in the gardens for an hour or so yesterday, and I've been thinking about a lot. I have never been so... puzzled about myself in my whole life. I've continued wondering about everything and I feel a lot different. Maybe it's just the absence of my sister that's been getting on me, but I've never felt so misguided. I do miss my dear sister so much...

I don't know what to think nor do I know what to feel about... her. She seems perfectly satisfied with what she has now - a good job at the age of twelve, a well-known status amongst the members of Umbrella. I never heard her complain about what she does, reasoning that there's always something great to discover, that there's always something that could prove useful. But, despite all her business, she never runs out of time for me, eager to help me in everything that I need help with. Sometimes, she spends so much time with me that I cannot help but feel that she's the only one that cares for me genuinely. Her cold eyes might tell otherwise, but it's just a feeling that I can't shake off.

Perhaps it's just me. Although not born biologically as a... a human, but "created", I know that Alexia and I share the same emotions and feelings with real humans, and so, puberty still applies to us. Yes, yes, I can blame puberty for what I'm feeling right now... I've been thinking. Alexia has been the only person of my age that I am exposed to, and thus, the only one that I have established a firm relationship with. Though I love her as a boy loves his brother or a girl loves her mother, there just seems to be something inside me that longs for an escape. Something that tells me that what I'm feeling now is not love as it is to brothers and sisters, but... _love. _

I should stop right now. My emotions are getting to me.

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_**A/N: **Yes, well, that chapter seems a bit cluttered, but the point is, Alfred's feeling a little... different about Alexia. Well, another update. My head's swimming with raw ideas and I've been using the keyboard to let out letters like a rail gun does to let out a spray of bullets. Comments?_


	6. Entry Six

**Diary

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**

Alfred Ashford's secret diary, containing his thoughts, his emotions at a tender age.

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Entry Six:  
May 9, 1982  
3:30 PM

Alexia has arrived back from Antarctica. It seems that she had so much to see there, because she was raring to tell me everything that she discovered, and I bet that she's discovered a lot. First off, workers were complaining that loud moans can be heard time and again, but Alexia went to the private room inside father's study and saw for herself the source of the moans - the product of our failed experiment to our father, which now we (and all of the employees there) call "Nosferatu".

Apart from that, she told me that the virus that we injected in our father long ago was also to be injected to her. When I told her that it is such a large risk and that she can't do that, she assured me that she will be fine, as long as I protect her. I trust Alexia, and I trust her experiment will do no wrong. Our father wasn't competitive anyway.

As I said in my last entry, I've been feeling... _differently _towards Alexia, and I've puberty to blame. I'm very sure it's... love. But... But isn't it allowed? Aren't deep-seated feelings allowed towards your relative, your _sister_? I've been thinking about this during the long hours that Alexia has gone. It's not allowed. It's not allowed, morally at least. Publicly unacceptable. If I harbor these kinds of feelings towards my sister, it will ruin me! It's no secret that Alexia and I are very close, but for me to think of her differently? Deeply? Is it not forbidden? I should not let these feelings drive me. I should not, I should not! To think that I am not even in my teens!

I have to think of other things right now... More _important _things, things that don't disturb me so much. I should get my mind off Alexia. It will be quite easy, since she's told me that she has to spend time in the laboratory for a few weeks studying as requested by the scientists in ATT. I think I will have garden walks more frequently...

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_**A/N: **Well, that's the sixth entry! That idea's been in the back of my mind since I started this fictional diary of Alfred Ashford, and it's sort of the focus of the whole story. By the way, thanks for the reviews to those who did review. Reviews or not, I'll complete this, but I'd appreciate comments and they'll encourage me to write better. :D_


	7. Entry Seven

**Diary  
**

* * *

Alfred Ashford's secret diary, containing his thoughts, his emotions, at a tender age.

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Entry Seven:  
October 14, 1982  
10:20 AM

I expected Alexia to stay in her lab for a few more weeks, but apparently, she needed a bit of company. She discussed everything she has discovered about the Queen Ant, how the colony died when it died, and how it had complete control over everything in the colony. I don't see the signicance of the experiment but, knowing my sister, it has something to do with the virus that she will inject to herself. She told me that she wasn't ready to perform the experiment yet, that much knowledge still has to be gained. Apparently, all will be well in the New Year, and it will be safe to conduct the experiment to her, once we reach our twelfth birthdays. She warned me that no mention of this experiment will be made under this very roof unless we are in our secret room, just in case any of the servants would be on to us.

I do feel a bit uncomfortable whenever mention of my father is brought inside this household. How I could form a story about father's disappearance (and considerable death), I do not know. Harman is not as clueless as we wanted to think, but even though he is suspicious, he doesn't ask us about it especially since there is a possibility that father did disappear and it might upset us.

Alexia's activities are limited to chemical storage, mixing and studying. Occasionally, she would go up to the secret room and look up our family's history, but she doesn't let anyone know about these except me.

Secretly, I wished that she would forget her plans to perform the experiment on herself. I still cannot forget how large the risk is. Father instantly died and had the virus take over him easily, making him into a formidable monster. We were lucky that his human side was still quite conscious when we locked him up, but Alexia almost got hurt because of him. What if my sister's calculations are slightly off? Everything might go wrong.

I'm still really puzzled as to why Harman isn't fully aware of my sister's activities. Maybe he isn't knowledged about things so much. Over the past few months, tutors had been coming and going, and I was the only one present. Sometimes, Alexia comes by and allows them to teach her, but she is mostly locked inside the laboratory for weeks. I don't expect Harman to understand so much. Maybe, while part of him suspects us, the other half him persuades his mind that everything is well, that chemicals are too much to think about it's supposed to take months to do well.

Since my last entry during May, Alexia has been departing continuously from here to Antarctica and back. Father supposedly frequents his groans, and even showing signs of formidable strength, trying to pull off the chains that attach him to the walls. I felt relieved that we had installed stronger back-up chains before, especially since father, or "Nosferatu", poses a real threat to everything. I never had time to write a lot since I had to study. I've been thinking of going to a respected school, and Alexia recommended the finest tutors and home teachers in order to prepare me. I never had time to think about anything except for my studies, really. I realized that my studies are a good thing, since they are taking my mind off those... feelings.

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_**A/N: **YES!!! I did a long, long, LOOONG time lapse from the May entry to the October entry, mainly to speed up the story. I just realized that I got the timeline all wrong, so either I change the dates from the beginning, or do a long time lapse and add a good excuse to it. Expect more time lapses. Excuse them lapses._


	8. Entry Eight

**Diary

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**

Alfred Ashford's secret diary, containing his thoughts, his emotions at a tender age.

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Entry Eight:  
October 21, 1982  
6:20 PM

Alexia's research is finally finished. She didn't bother telling me about what she found out. Though I am curious as to what she discovered about whatever she researched, I know better than to pester her with details. I respect my sister so much, and it very improper of me to pressure her with things. What Alexia did tell me is that in two weeks we will depart for Antarctica, in order to carry out her experiment. I don't know why she suddenly decided to perform the experiment long before January, but I trust that she knows what she's doing. She always does.

Harman didn't get away from questioning us. He had no suspicions when Alexia was the one going to Antarctica, but bringing me along sounded mysterious to him. He asked me this morning why I was going with my sister. I knew he was expecting an evasion, an excuse, but as far as he knows, Alexia hasn't been within three feet of me for the past few days. My sister apparently told him that she and I are going to Antarctica, but made it sound as if I didn't have a clue why.

I sincerely hope that whatever happenes to her, nothing would go wrong. I am very worried about her. The horror of risks and possible outcomes has sprung into my head, and I can't help but feel that this is completely dangerous. Though I don't doubt my sister's abilities, her desire to test her experiment on herself is worrying. Why not use a sample body? Perhaps Harman, or one of the more able researchers? But if everything goes according to plan, she will attain the powers of a goddess.

Apart from the news I have to bring about Alexia, I have to stop writing in this notebook already, for it seems that it is no longer safe anywhere. I caught Harman trying to sneak in to our secret room, as if searching for clues and notes pertaining to my sister's activities. It is fortunate enough that I saw him, for if I had let him slip further, he would have the full grasp of things and stop trusting us.

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_**A/N: **Update! I've been thinking about what to write in this, primarily because it's serving as a filler entry. I'm speeding up the whole story because I'm running out of ideas. Anyway, may you review?_


	9. Entry Nine

**Diary

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**

Alfred Ashford's secret diary, containing his thoughts, his emotions at a tender age.

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Entry Nine:  
November 6, 1982  
4:25 AM

I cannot bring myself to sleep. I thought I have shunned away the feelings that I've had towards Alexia, but they returned, renewed. And on an unexpected manner. What happened was definitely confusing, surprising and yet, it made me feel better.

Perhaps it was her, tired of being pestered and talking to groups of researchers, but my sister entered my room just this night when I was about to go into a deep slumber. It did look as if she wasn't in good condition, but it puzzled me as to why she went to my room and not just proceed sleeping in hers, though I did welcome her. I cannot make my sister a lot more stressed than she already is.

She told me that, in two days' time, the experiment will commence, and that she trusts me to take care of the cryostasis pod that she will be sleeping in, and that for the time being, it is up to me to uplift the family name the best I could while she is away. She assured me that all will be fine, that once she awakes, we will rule this world as king and queen. There were no worries, she told me, for she has ordered everything properly and she rechecked her calculations and theories and did all her experiments at least five times in order to verify that the results were the same, consistent.

Alexia told me that she will miss me very much during those fifteen years, she was sure of it. I, for one, am sure that I will miss her so much, and I told her this. It is not exactly death we're facing, so I didn't tell her of my feelings towards her, and how I they developed without my consent. I told her that I will do my best to lift the family name, and that she could trust me. She told me that she trusted me with all her heart, and that she was sure something good will happen in her fifteen years of absence. And then she _kissed _me.

I don't know if I should feel happy or surprised about this, but surely, part of me was extremely pleased. She told me that she loved me very much, perhaps more than a sister should love a brother, and that it pains her to part with me temporarily. She told me that she didn't know when she exactly felt like this, but she does, and she loves me so much.

I'm still confused, but I do feel ecstatic about what Alexia told me. Knowing that we share the same feelings eliminate embarassed tension between us. Perhaps a deeper relationship can be considered?

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_**A/N: **Update again. This is probably one of my most favorite chapters to write. Nothing much to say. So, comments, anyone?_


	10. Entry Ten

**Diary

* * *

**

Alfred Ashford's secret diary, containing his thoughts, his emotions at a tender age.

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Entry Ten:  
November 8, 1982  
9:30 AM

I woke up early today. I don't know how to ease my anxiety. After lunch, Alexia is scheduled to go into a cryostatis pod, and I'm the only one she can trust. Fears have already grown anew inside me. I do not know where to start, and I am expecting a whole lot of things that could happen, most of them terrible ones. I am a lot more worried, especially since now I know that my sister loves me as much as I love her. Yesterday, I mostly kept to myself, though Alexia and I did walk around the carousel room and did a few trips around the facility itself. In the Antarctic, there are no beautiful flowers in bloom outdoors nor are there birds chirping. It is a desolate wasteland comparable to a desert, though white and freezing. I, no doubt, am missing the locales in Rockfort Island. Though the island is mostly inhabited by prisoners and military men, our estate is admirable.

It seems that I'm losing my point about this, but I don't want to think about recent matters. The truth is terrible enough, and keeping my mind off what will happen seems to be the healthiest thing that I can do for now. Pressure is onto me. At a young age, I feel like the whole world is resting on my shoulders. My useless father is locked up underground as a mutated monster, and my sister will be gone for years, leaving me and only me to take care of matters. I don't have experience with all of these, but Alexia has taken the initiative to teach me things that I should know.

The competent servants in this Antarctic Mansion have agreed to cooperate with me and make an excellent lunch for me and my sister. At least before she goes off to sleep, I want to give her a memorable send off. It may be shallow of me to do, thinking of matters like what to feed my sister before she goes into a long fast, but it is the only thing the I can do for her at the moment. I feel incredibly helpless, afraid, but I do not want Alexia to sense that at the very least, I'm giving off a hint of distrust. I do not call it as distrust, though. It is more of worrying than distrust. She is the only family left, and I do not know of other Ashfords in the world. I do not want to lose Alexia. With her, the brilliant legacy of the Ashfords will continue, but without her, everything will go to ruin.

My sister is still in her room, perhaps sleeping. I have to go and prepare myself for lunch.

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_**A/N: **Penultimate entry. I'm keen on ending this diary-like story, because other ideas are just poppin' out like mushrooms in my mind. I'm not going to diary-ize Alexia's entrance to the cryo pod thingy, because I just don't see how Alfred will do it in great detail. Oh well. Comments? Crits? Cookies?_


	11. Entry Eleven

**Diary

* * *

**

Alfred Ashford's secret diary, containing his thoughts, his emotions at a tender age.

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Entry Eleven:  
November 20, 1982  
11:25 PM

It's been a matter of days since Alexia went away. She feigned her death, and had me make up a story about why she suddenly disappeared. I don't think I can bear the pain of her absence. Just a few days, and already I think I'm losing it. Harman showed signs of leaving the household, and everything just isn't the same. For the first time in my life, I feel cold and lonely, even though I'm in the presence of warm sunlight. Alexia has kept my feet on the ground and made me sane, but I don't think I can hold any longer.

There is not much to do around. Everything seems lifeless. But for Alexia, for the sake of my dear sister, I will try to make everything work out. For Alexia. For the one I love the most...

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_**A/N: **Last chapter. Short, ain't it? I was just in a hurry to finish it, but I tried my best to pad it out. Anyways, thanks to those who reviewed! Much appreciated!_


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